I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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