there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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