"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
