dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
