Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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