I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
