I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
