He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
