a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
