I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
