dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
