hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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