thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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