I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
