im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
sex in a hospital.. check
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
