maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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