She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize