she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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