I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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