sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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