Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
