The maid of honor just puked.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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