i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
