smell my finger.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
