How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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