We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
