you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
