It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
