life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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