the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
