I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
