Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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