if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
