I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
