After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
