I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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