I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Alive.
So much puke
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
