Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need moral support for this bender
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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