im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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