Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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