I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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