the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize