I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
