then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
