Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
