so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize