how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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