the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
