I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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