Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
