I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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