you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
