Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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