I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize