I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
