do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
