I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
