She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize