I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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