Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
