I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
