2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
