I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
two words: eviction party
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
