Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
