Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
