Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
