Are we in a gay sports bar?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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