i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
