worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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