the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
