We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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