Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
