The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize